Thursday, March 18, 2010 @ 11:59 AM

Reflections and notes

The whole incident came back to me only after seeing that same person again yesterday, in the same map.

For a moment I thought that he'll come kill me or something, after what we did the other day.

But he didn't. In fact, he just spent his whole time leeching at the top of the house. And when another party member asked the leader why so, the leader calmly replied that it was his (the person leeching, and the person in question) map. (Therefore he could leech.)

Oh, the unfairness of the great world!

Okay, let me explain before launching into this post, lest anybody of you get lost, which I'm sure, many already have.

A few days ago, my friend and I were accepted into this person's party, in where else, but ESW. The leader, let's just call him Z, had a ringer in party as well, and I think the leader wanted us to pay for the ringer as well.

Of course, both my friend and I were reluctant. I didn't even want a ringer! With the leader leeching our precious exp, what difference will a ringer make? Won't Z still get more exp than us? In my point of view, I felt that it was unfair that he was to charge us, and then start leeching simply because it was "his map". Put it blatantly, I wasn't happy with him.

Whatsmore, he said something about:

"I'm very nice de, I paid the ringer more than you'll pay." (Transcribed in better grammar than the original)
i.e. "I'm supposed to pay 1/3, (there were 3 of us in the party, don't count the ringer) I paid more than that. Therefore you pay less than what you're supposed to pay."

Whatever.

Some guy came in about 20 or so minutes later, warning us of a KS-er on the loose.

True to words, about 40 or so minutes after first joining Z's stinky party, the KS-er came.

At the moment, my friend suggested leaving the party and running off. We had had no intentions of paying for the ringer at all. Z will see to it that the ringer will be paid.

So my friend left the party, in the midst of the chaos the lousy KS-er was causing. Now, I say 'lousy' because he kept missing the mobs, which is a rather funny sight to behold, especially since he's meant to be KS-ing.

I followed suit.

We went back to town, and changed channel.

For the record, let me say that I have never done something like this before. Only when we were safe away in channel 1, many scenes away from ESW, then did I feel a sense of euphoria.

For once, I felt euphoric, and truly, truly, happy. I was excited, like a kid who's just been given pocket money in a candy store. I remember I kept laughing, and I felt so...carefree, for that moment anyway.

I was excited, happy, and nervous. All at once. I kept hinting to my friend my sudden rush of exhilaration and euphoria, but I don't think he really seemed to notice, or care. Oh well.


I don't really remember what happened next.


But, after my friend had logged off, and I was wandering about aimlessly - not quite sure of what to do, did I suddenly feel miserable. Yes, miserable. The feeling of euphoria had worn off, and in its place was misery.

I felt miserable suddenly, and I didn't know why.

Rock.

P.S.

Now, a different incident. Let's just call this person involved Y.

Y, truth be told, when you asked me, I was kind of reluctant to help. It's nothing personal, just that:
1) I had really gtg, my parents were scolding.
2) You were a bit far away.
3) I felt you were mildly unreasonable.

Now, I'm not lamblasting you or anything, nor taking this opportunity to talk bad about you, but. I feel that both you and I have lots to work on, if we wish to understand each other better.

When I told you I had no space, it was true. I sold you some of my own pots in the end as well, I hope you don't mind. But I didn't expect your reaction to my comment. I felt that it was unreasonable. If all my stuff were that useless and worthless, why would I be keeping it in the first place? Now, I don't wish to start a fight, I just wish to come clean. Okay, so don't misunderstand my intentions.

When I reached you, I knew you were already mildy agitated by the ongoing argument between you and somebody else. I, for one, couldn't really be bothered. Truth be told, all I wanted was to pass you the stuff, and leave.

So I admit I may have been a bit obnoxious then, typing so fast and rushing you. But you need to understand that as well. Both you and I have faults, and I'm not ashamed nor abashed to write them all here.

When I did my calculations in the window, I know that you assumed that I thought of you in a certain way, which is not true. It was just a habit of mine to calculate in the other person's face, lest misunderstandings arise. I know I was kinda blatant and rude in the window, and I apologise for that.

But when you said that I said that you were poor, that's not the truth. Don't jump to conclusions, Y, I never said nor hinted that. So I'm sorry I offended you. But, you too, you have fault, not just me. For it takes two hands to clap.

You shouldn't have jumped to baseless conclusions. Since when did I hint so?

And when you tried to throw money in my face, you made things worse. I got angry. I was rushed, and angry.

When I apologised to you, I didn't really mean it then. It was the only way, I knew, to salvage whatever's left of our superficial acquaintance. But I was glad then that you kind of accepted it.

I feel ashamed of it now, really.


I'm sorry.


That's slightly better.

But enough of that. Enough of digging up the past.

I'm secretly glad that I'm typing this more than a day after that incident, because, over the past many hours, I've had had loads of time to think things through, reflect, and ponder upon them. Rather than rushing into a post immediately after the incident, and typing things which I'll end up regretting.

I'm glad I chose to wait instead.

Y, I know after that incident, you'll be prejudiced against me, and I'll be prejudiced against you. Which is half true, I must admit, with regards to the latter. It's hard to view you without my tinted lenses now, and I don't like that.

I'll try my best to get rid of those tinted lenses, but really, I need you to remove yours as well.

Can't we have a proper, civilised conversation without either you scolding people vulgarities, or me feeling angry behind the computer, ready for violence? So far, we both have had no good conversations with each other. Either bad, neutral, or lukewarm. And that's not a good sign.

But we can change that, I know we can, Y. It's not like I'm asking anything more than a simple friendship. 

I would grade our current interaction as "Grade-1 superficial neutral", i.e. close to a F-, if I must say so.

Can't we try to promote that to a higher level, like maybe a "Grade-1 lukewarm"? I know the phrasing's odd, but then again, I'm feeling out of sorts now. So it doesn't really matter.

Half of me hopes that you'll see this, the other half hopes you'll never ever find it.

I hope that, if you do view this post (the later half), you'll take off your tinted lenses as well, and maybe view me in a better light, rather than be judgemental and base my character on a few not-so-good incidents.

I'm willing to try to befriend you, but, you have to try as well. Can we just put aside our differences and view each other in unbiased lights?

I know you're capable of that, I hope I'm capable of that.

For, like I said, it takes two hands to clap.

Labels: My 10 Mesos' Worth