Hahas, couldn't think of a better title. Anyway anyway before I forget, here was what happened yesterday:

1) The MSNoobSterZ Great Race Maple!

2) GPQ!

I came in Maple around 10.30, but actually I was already using the computer since 9 (on MSN, haha). Well, around 10, it was realised that one person couldn't make it. Then we were down to 5. With only less than 1 hour left till the Race started, there was not much time left. So I logged in Maple, and found 2 of the participants already waiting in Lith Harbour. *ahem* Lols.

When everyone came, I briefed them. However, I learnt one lesson from this: NEVER TRY TO BRIEF PEOPLE FOR MORE THAN 2 MINUTES. Their minds start wandering off. >>

So I sent them off, and headed straight to Orbis Cloud Park.

The race took much longer than expected. SORRY EVERYONE! >< (It took 2hours++ instead of the expected 1. This could have been partially due to a mass DC sometime during the race, can't remember the time)

People kept on asking me to re-confirm details and everything, and sooner or later, a misunderstanding was bound to occur. A few misunderstandings occurred, which I shall not go into detail here lest bad feelings are aroused again, but they're (hopefully) solved now, so yah. Yay!

Then we gathered at Empty House II in Ludibrium for debriefing and prize presentation. Congratulations once again to both teams! =D

Then it was decided that those (in Ludi then) who wished to go for GPQ will have to gather at Empty House II at 3, then we'll all head off to GPQ together. =)

That's AhhJ and I at Nuris. No one else stopped to take a SS. ): Hahas, nvm. Everyone's busy.

Ya ya, I know today's blogpost isn't up to my usual standard (i.e. smileys peppering the whole post and my usual weird commentaries.)

But I'm tired, and I have this pile (once again, exaggerating~) of homework beckoning at me, and reaching out to me with its evil tendrils and calling in its raspy voice, my name.

So ya, I'm tired, and I don't think I can do it. There's an odd numbness that's not physical. I think it's psychological. It's not as though I'm sick or anything; just this feeling of surreality (if that's even a word). Like something WHOOSH just happened, something big, and I'm feeling its after effects. This is a weird feeling, which words can't describe; and even if words CAN describe, I don't think I have that capability.

Suddenly I'm back to my whiny self again. And it sickens me. I look through the previous posts (the older ones), and I ask myself: "Is this me? It doesn't seem like." And another thing bothers me, apart from the homework with its evil tendrils and raspy voice. This other thing starts with an 'E' and ends with a 'S' (or a 'N', if you must insist).

EXPECTATIONS. It's an interesting word, really. On one hand, it brings some people a certain sense of pride. On the other, it constitutes a whole load of slaving away and what not, just to meet other people's standards of you.

Sometimes you do it not for yourself, but for other people. You do things sometimes not because you really wish to, because you really yearn for the desired outcome, but instead you do it because people expect you to do so.

(Ok I'm lapsing into my weird-commentary state again, together with all the complaints and moans. But just bear with me for a little while k? This phase goes off as soon as it had arrived.)

Now, sometimes when I type here (this applies solely to these kind of posts, the long whiny draggy ones. Or at least the later part of it, haha) I go into this sort of state whereby everything around me takes a dream-like existence, and I just keep typing non-stop, eyes on the screen, not looking at the keyboard, and my thoughts just come rushing out before I even think through properly. It's almost mechanical, this feeling. I'm mouthing the words in my head whilst I type them, and my fingers just go across the keyboard. The K here, the E there, the Y placed very near the K, but a few keys from the E etc etc.

And this process just goes on and on. Till I finally derive some sort of satisfaction from the mindless, aimless typing. It doesn't come sooner, but neither do I wish for it to come later. Sometimes I wonder if I even make sense, typing all the posts in the category of "My 10 Mesos' Worth".

FYI, in this category you'll normally find the posts that are long, whiny, complainy, and draggy. But these are the ones that reflect more of who I am, rather than just comments and captions on photos. Sometimes I wonder whether anyone would read this. Even I myself, after typing it out, wouldn't even glance through. No edits, no nothing. And then, months later, when I go through them, I feel awkward, embarrased even. Then I wonder why I even typed those out in the first place. But I just get this sense of satisfaction when I do this, even though I know I can perfectly well type it out all on Notepad and stash it somewhere in the forsaken corners of Lappy (my laptop), who would never reveal it to anyone. Till of course, a few months later (again), I chance upon them, and start deleting them without even glancing twice, feeling embarrassed to have these around.

Okay I'm starting to feel that sense of satisfaction, so I guess I can stop soon. Oh wait, no, that's the feeling of urgency. The sense of need to manage my time properly, and to start my homework. It's the evil tendrils and the raspy voice, I knew it.